Haunting Kashmir!

Hi folks,

Hope all doing great!we should be thankful to God almighty that we are all safe and sound.

I have been to Kashmir,May last week to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Hubby wanted to visit Spain or Georgia but he was travelling alot and couldnt give passport for Spanish visa procedures. And Georgia ,I was not that interested to visit..for I was scared to fly on a fly dubai flight after their flight crash etc. Not only that last October while on our return flight from Qatar Fly dubai flight struggled in air pockets and I really got scared with the crew running and people crying etc. Since then I am too scared to fly often and I keep on praying till I or my hubby reach our destination. Since then I have decided to fly on bigger flights compared to budget airlines. And only flydubai and air arabia fly to Georgia so I was not that keen to visit Georgia. I told hubby lets go our very own Kashmir,when we have the heaven on earth why would we go to the balcony of Europe and its our country we do not need visa as well. Thus we decided on Kashmir

There is no direct flight to Srinagar. We went to Delhi and by domestic air to Srinagar. We had booked hotels and a cab with a driver for our tour. Our driver Bilal was waiting outside the airport. He was very friendly and a great companion for us. Whenever I thought about visitting Kashmir our jawans came to my mind and I have always respected them. Whenever I see an army man or army vehicle I salute them..I have always wanted to join army and am very patriotic..not only when I watch cricket! So I have been telling hubby that if we get to see army I wanna salute them and take photographs with them.

On our way from airport to house boat,(hubby arranged first night stay at a house boat in Dal lake) we could see many army check points and army men guarding places with rifles and guns..Bilal took us to our house boat through the sensitive areas of Srinagar,everywhere army men were present. I felt pity for them and was thinking where they would be eating how long they would stand still etc and my respect grew immense for them. Bilal told us how bad was the 2014 Kashmir floods and told us the roads we travelled in car were all under water and shikara rides were operated there.

The night stay at house boat and shikara ride was nice. Those house boats are stationed there unlike our Aleppy house boats. The next day we were off to Gulmarg and enroute Gulmarg I spoke to Bilal about their life. Srinagar never had movie theatres and they have not seen any movies based on Kashmir. Mostly in movies Manali is shown as Kashmir. Bilal got upset whenever he had to stop for check posts. I asked him its their duty na and its for your own security. He said what security mam..uniform pehana hai tho sab sala nikaltha hei! That was quite surprising for me I understood the respect we have for army or police in Kashmir are not applicable to Kashmiris. He said they are torturing us whether police or army. Now that the social media usage is increasing so they are under control now..or else wo ladkiyon or aurath ko ched the hai. In my concept army men were the ones to guard the chastity of Kashmiri women from terrorists. Police wanted bribe and army men were irritating them. I told him about the movie "Hyder" which left me so desperate and heart broken and Bilal said its all true about us mam..our life is miserable here. Government hume apna mantha hi nahi. More than enough power is produced in Kashmir and central government sell it to all other states of India, but we always have power cuts every day in between. They have restricted internet facilities, restricted power supply and we never felt we are a part of India. No prepaid mobiles work there you have to have a postpaid mobile number and that too signals are very weak. My hubby and me felt very disconnected from the world without internet. Even the 4 star hotel wifi were poor and many were shouting at the reception.

Next day we were off to Pahelgam. Kashmir was God's masterpiece. Wherever you look its all beauty. Bilal arranged another driver and cab for our Pahelgam sight seing. His name was Nisar and enroute to Betab valley he showed us his home stays and other properties. His driver was on leave so he himself came with us that day. Every where we went,we were asked our relegion( though obvious with my head scarf they wanted to make sure we are muslims). And when confirmed we are muslims they said "aap musalman hai ye to mubarak ki bath hai" aap musalman bhai hai isliye aapko discount kar ke detha hoon". May be those were their business tricks but it hurt me rather than pleasing me. I was startled to think if they shower so much love to their Muslim tourists wouldnt they have so much hatred towards Hindus or Christians!? I wanted to visit the famous temples at Amarnath etc but was scared to go there as I felt how will the people react there for me being a Muslim!
On our way back from Betab valley,Nisar took us to his house treated us very well and we were served home made Kashmiri kawa and breads. His neice spoke Hindi where as his wife spoke only Kashmiri. His neice stopped her studies after 12th as she had to travel long way to join a college. Nisar asked us "aap logon ke lagtha hai kya yahan jo bhi ho raha hai wo sab Pakisthan karthe hai? Aap log yahan ka pahad dekho borders dekho insan ko bahuth mushkil hai wo sab par kar ke Hindusthan mein aana..or border me sab fouji bhi hain. Ye sab andhar ka khel hai..kaun kartha hai or kyon wo Allah ko maloom" .
 That night we got late after dinner and there was no cab or horse available to get back to our hotel. As we were asking the restraunt owner how to get a cab, a man aged 27 asked hubby's name when said Mohammed Rafeeque he said aap tho apna musalman bhai hai chalo mein aapko chod detha hoon. When asked he was an engineer and his name was Farhan. He said there were only Muslims in Kashmir Hindus are settled in Jammu. They ran away from Kashmir. Kashmir and her people exist only because of Pakisthan..Pakisthan ke darr ke mare Hindusthan army ko bhej the hai yahan. Nahi tho hum log kab ka Pakisthan mein rah gaya. Hindusthan ko nahi chahiye hume..ye prestige issue hai isliye hume torture karthe hain. Power nahi, kuch bhi nahi humare liye. Koyi bhi government kuch nahi kartha humare liye!!

I went to Kashmir with so much respect for Indian army and Indian government for protecting Kashmir and her people,but came back hurt disappointed and shattered. I did not salute any army man I saw in Kashmir and did not take photograph as well. They are doing their duty,they get paid for that and their family also benefit from that. Once their Kashmir duty is over they leave to other parts of India. But the miserable life of Kashmiris continue the same. I am not against Indian army or Indian government,but do consider them as our own people. The recent riots in Kashmir hurt me. I messaged Bilal when I saw the news he has not responded yet. Hope he and his family is safe. Not only him all the faces I saw on Kashmir haunted me those nights.

Kashmir is a prestige issue to India and Pakisthan. But has anyone thought about the miserable life of Kashmiris? Many of them are wounded, arrested and not seen again..and the wounds in their heart will never ever heal. Its high time we do something for them. Now I know why no government is ready to ask their choice.

Kashmir was the heaven on earth, please do not make a hell out of it..even if we cant make it heaven any more. I support and pray for Kashmir.

നോമ്പു കാലം

നോമ്പ് എന്നെ സംബന്ധിച്ചിടത്തോളം നിശബ്ദതയാണ്...രാവിലെ സാധാരണ ദിവസങ്ങളിൽ കലപില കൂട്ടുന്ന കാക്കകളും കിളികളും കോഴികളും വരെ നോമ്പിന് നിശബ്ദരായിരിക്കും...അത്താഴ സമയത്ത് ഉണ്ടാവും എല്ലാ വീട്ടിലും വെളിച്ചവും ബഹളവും ..അയൽപക്കങ്ങളിലെ ജമീല താത്തയും  പെണ്ണൂവിയാത്തയും എല്ലാം മക്കളെ വിളിച്ചുണർത്തുന്ന ബഹളം...പാത്രങ്ങൾ എടുക്കുന്നു ഭക്ഷണം കഴിക്കാൻ വിളിക്കുന്നൂ...വീട്ടിലും ഇതു തന്നെ അവസ്ഥ..പപ്പ വന്ന് എന്നെ കുറേ വിളിക്കും..വിളിക്കുന്നത് പപ്പ ആയോണ്ട് ഇതു വരെ അയൽപക്കക്കാർ അറിഞ്ഞിട്ടില്ല.എന്നിട്ടും എഴുന്നേൽക്കാൻ മടിച്ച് പറയും എനിക്ക് ചോറു വേണ്ടെന്ന്..പിന്നെ ദാദ വന്ന് പുതപ്പ് എടുത്ത് മാറ്റി കാലിൽ പിടിച്ച് വലിച്ച് താഴെയിടും...പിന്നെ താഴെ വന്ന് പല്ല് തേച്ച് ചോറ് കഴിക്കുന്ന വരെ മിണ്ടില്ല..ദാദയോടാണ് പിണക്കം. ചോറു തിന്ന് കഴിയുമ്പോഴേക്കും ഉമ്മ കട്ടൻ ചായയുമായിട്ട് വരും..തലേ ദിവസത്തെ ഇഫ്താറിന് ബാക്കിയുണ്ടായ സമൂസയ്ക്കും ബ്രഡ് പൊരിച്ചതിനും പിന്നെ അടിയായി...അടിയുണ്ടാക്കാൻ വേണ്ടി മാത്രം ദാദ കട്ടൻ ചായ വരെ അടിച്ചു മാറ്റും.

പിന്നെ ബാങ്ക് വിളിക്കുന്ന വരെ സോഫയിൽ ചടഞ്ഞ് കൂടി ഇരിക്കാനാവും ശ്രമം..ദാദ പിന്നെയും വരും ഇടങ്ങേറാക്കാൻ...പിണങ്ങി ഉമ്മയുടെ അടുത്ത് പോയി കിടക്കും..അവിടേയും വരും...ഇതിനിടയിലെപ്പഴോ ഉസ്താദ് ബാങ്ക് വിളിച്ചിട്ടുണ്ടാവും...പിന്നെ എല്ലാവരും നിസ്ക്കാരവും ശേഷം ഉറക്കം മുഴുമിപ്പിക്കാനും...
നേരം വെളുത്തെന്ന് അറിയിക്കുന്ന സ്ഥലത്തെ പ്രധാന പൂവൻ കോഴികൾ വരെ വോളിയം കുറച്ച പോലെയാണ്..പിന്നെ വൈകീട്ട് അസർ നിസ്ക്കാരം കഴിഞ്ഞാൽ ശബ്ദങ്ങളുടെ വരവായി...പാത്രങ്ങൾ തട്ടി മുട്ടുന്ന ബഹളം...ഇഫ്താറിനൊരുങ്ങുന്ന മീൻ ഇറച്ചി കഷണങ്ങൾക്കായി കാക്കകളും പൂച്ചകളും ഇടക്ക് കോഴികളും...തമ്മിലുള്ള കടിപിടി...അങ്ങനെ..ശബ്ദമുഖരിതമാവും അന്തരീക്ഷം..
നോമ്പില്ലാത്ത കുട്ടിക്കാലത്ത് എല്ലാ വീടുകളിലേയും ആദ്യത്തെ പത്തിരി ഞാനടങ്ങുന്ന കുട്ടിപട്ടാളത്തിനുള്ളതാണ്...നോമ്പ് തുറന്ന ശേഷം ഞാൻ നേരെ മാനുവാക്കയുടേയും ജമീലതാത്തയുടേയും വീട്ടിലേക്ക് വിടും...ഇറച്ചിയും വാഴക്കയും കറി അല്ലെങ്കിൽ പൂള (കപ്പ) കറി കഴിക്കാൻ...അതിന്നും എൻറെ അവകാശമായി ഞാൻ കാണുന്നു. കല്ല്യാണം കഴിഞ്ഞ പത്ത് വർഷങ്ങൾക്ക് ശേഷവും ആ രുചികൾ നാവിൽ നിന്നു പോയിട്ടില്ല...ഇന്നും കൊതിക്കുന്നു എന്നെങ്കിലും നോമ്പിന് വീട്ടിലേക്ക് പോവുന്നുവെങ്കിൽ ആസ്വദിക്കണം ഓരോ രുചിയും ഓരോ ഓർമ്മയും..

Those were the "Sundays -fun days!!

During my school -college days like every one we also used to have Sundays only as holidays (now they have hartals 😉) .Most of the sundays there used to be some functions like wedding,house warming etc. And in between there used to be some sundays which were the real fun days and family days.

On such a fun day especially during March,April after breakfast, and finishing reading news papers and Sunday supplements Pappa would go and check if there is any jackfruit ripened or raw in our property and asks umma if it is ok to bring jack fruit (Pappa wants to make sureUmma is ready to cut,clean and cook them) and once umma says yes Pappa fetch some long sticks like that of a coconut stem etc and fixes the knife on its end and pulls down a few jack fruits! One we will take one for our neighbors and one Pappa would take to tharavad and rest to his brothers. Then the fun begins..me and Pappa would sit and clean the jack fruits..I love to see Pappa cut the jack fruit in to four pieces and then cleans the jack fruit gum (velanji in local dialect) using a stick and he recollects how his sisters(my aunts) used to keep this gum to put henna on Eid,as there were no henna cones etc those days. They used to melt this gum and draw some designs using it on palms and then cover the entire palm with freshly ground henna..and when they remove the henna the palm would be bright red except the designs they drew using the jack fruit gum!!

And thus we clean up the entire jack fruit ,while Pappa recollects his childhood and in between Umma makes a yummy "Chakka upperi" (usually we take the raw jack fruit) and we have a delicious lunch with Chakka upperi,fish mulakittath and fish fry!! After lunch Umma makes hot jack fruit chips (Chakka varutthath).Umma is a specialist in jack fruits chips making. We have to thinly slice the jack fruit and give it to Umma. She places an iron kadai on the stove ( not on gas but on fire) and deep fries it in hot coconut oil and pours in salt solution and we eat that hot fresh jack fruit chips with Umma's special black tea in the evening. The rest of the chips Umma will keep in an air tight jar and we have it on every day as evening snack.

The rest of the Sunday's Pappa and Umma would be in a mood to do some farming. So me,Dada  and Kunju will assist Pappachi with some work,tapioca ,arvi ,elephant yam etc are the usual crops. The harvest of all these crops are also fun, because on the harvest day Umma will be cooking the crop we harvested that day. Kunju will make some refreshment drinks while Pappa and Dada are on field, usually the refreshment drink would be some butter milk with shallots,curry leaves and ginger grinded in it or hot kanji vellam( rice porridge) .

In short ,we all had a an awesome childhood ,and it was the most happiest time of our lives. When I see my daughter spending her time only in front of TV and mobile I feel sad because I can't gift her such an amazing childhood !!

Note: This blog should be written in Malayalam because I find it very difficult to translate and transliterate many words in to English and I feel the nostalgia is lost some where in this post. I did not try it in Malayalam because I still do not have Malayalam font in my IPad. So sorry I couldn't bring out the real feel.

Love
Hash

Motherhood!!

Alhamdulillah,completed two years of motherhood! As every other woman who has been a mother says, only in motherhood we experience unconditional love! 

The journey with my daughter is awesome, I really am enjoying every single moment with her. The way she grows up keeps me surprised. She is becoming naughtier and stubborn day by day . I can really understand her "not yet discovered   language" and more than that her body language whether if she wants to potty,or if she is up to some mischief!

She was hospitalised for a week in Kerala as she contracted viral fever,throat infection and cough! I swear my heart broke when they took her in to insert cannula to inject antibiotics n glucose.i went outside and kept my eyes and ears shut so that I won't hear her crying ! Each time they gave her injections I had  the pain in my vein..I felt the sour tastes of the medicines and actually I even felt am admitted! I was so angry with Allah for troubling my baby,kept praying and complaining why is He cruel with my baby! Let me have all the pain and struggle and free my baby that was my prayer!

Whenever the nurses came she called me umma,hugged me tight and cried expecting me to protect her and I sat there holding her tight n kissing and kept on saying sorry I can't help you! That was the worst mental torture I ever had faced. 

As soon as she got discharged I wanted to fly back to Dubai and get her back to normal! I cut short my vacation and flew back. I could not attend my cousin's wedding, couldn't stay at my home,couldn't meet my loved ones couldn't even see my parents to my heart's contend! But still I was happy to be back here.. And was delighted when my baby hugged me tight and kissed and said "love you umma" when we entred our flat! Nothing mattered other than her well being and happiness and still nothing matters other than her! She is my angel,my treasure,my fortune,my happiness,my blessing,my prayer and my smile!! 

Allah bless you my sweetheart live long...

She !!

Hi Folks,

Today happens to be "International Women's Day" ! So Happy Women's day to all the lovely ladies out there! Remember, God made us strong ,bold, beautiful,kind,passionate and yeah a bit sentimental and emotional too ( but that's ok )! God created man first and then woman you know why because God corrected the mistakes he made first time and made the perfect creatures, that's what are ,"women" !!! So be proud to be one and show the world how to respect one when they come across us! I personally believe that we have every right to wear what we like and roam around whenever we wish same as a man does! But don't you think that we are precious so we need to  protect ourselves? So I would prefer not to expose myself and tempt a man who is very weak to suppress his emotions unlike us! What to do ladies we cant help it ! Its a manufacturing defect by God himself so lets take care!!
And to all men out there, relax don't be so upset about there being a day specially for us! Though we are called your better halves we are not considered so always! We have had to take second position ever since we are born!  Be it as a daughter, sister or a wife ! And we have always been taken for granted! So let us have a day to feel ourselves good!!

Imagine, will your world be as beautiful as it is without your mother, who brought you into this beautiful world ,and who made the man you are today! Without your sister ,who fights with you but who will always be missed when not around, and without your wife who is your shadow till death and your daughter whose laughter make your home perfect whose love and care melts you down and admit there is a void when they are married and gone!!
All  I wanted to remind you is that we are special too we also have the right to be as happy are you are and as dignified as you are! Love us,respect us, treasure us! We will always be thankful to you for being a real man!! Thank you. Let's us live,  let us breathe and let us dream ! Together we make this world beautiful!!
Love,
Hash

Rain drops !!

Today morning , I woke up to the rhythm of rain drops falling on to my window and you won't even guess how glad I was , in fact still am! I came out from my blanket and stood by window and could see the rain and wind romancing and people coming to the masjid for morning prayer in rain , may be they were also thanking God for the showers in today's morning prayer ,like I did !

The whole picture made me nostalgic and glad! It reminded me of my beautiful childhood , the beautiful school days and college days( though college days were not as beautiful as school days) ! During Monsoons I would be waking up to cloudy mornings, whole night it was raining and the sky might be taking a break ! It would be so cloudy and dark that we have to switch on lights to locate things and there won't be electricity as its Monsoon and KSEB can't find any better reason for no power!! After getting ready I will go to umma in kitchen where umma will be cooking breakfast and she would be very warm and I used to hug her and say umma is so warm and am feeling cold and she used to reply yeah coz am cooking near the stove and you were sleeping under the blanket ! Then I will have hot sambar and idly and black tea,by then my friend Reshma would have come to join me to tuition centre!

Then we both will walk to the tuition centre ,taking the umbrella which Pappachi folded so neat and clean! By the time we reach the Iruvazhinji bridge the rain would come rushing to hug us!! The rain drops, the wind and the innocence of childhood together make it awesome feeling! The only thing we hated is the vehicles passing by us which might splash the muddy water on us !

Inside the classroom everyone will be wet and feeling cold! We all put our umbrellas as a tent and in lower grades we used to sit inside those umbrellas just as we sit inside a tent! We sit so close that we can feel warm again by the time teacher comes! And by noon we all will be dry and warm , but then there comes lunch break! I used to have lunch from "Tharavadu" along with cousins ! So me , my friend and neighbour Hava will go home to have lunch so we used to get additional rain ! And ofcourse when we go back home as well it's raining !!

So our school days and childhood are always connected to the rains and monsoons!! The smell of uniforms which won't have enough time to be dry and the wet floors of classrooms , the wet school bags and tiffins , everything around and everything under the sun wet , still we all felt very warm and that's the magic of rain in childhood !!

Miss those days !! But Thank God the Dubai rains reminded me of all those beautiful things!!

Expired !!

Last Sunday I watched the Malayalam movie" How old are you?" And am not writing a movie review here that's been already reviewed by many so am not in to it. Am trying to speak out how I felt when I was watching the movie. It did hurt me a lot and it left me regretting and made me realize that I didn't reach any where and I even forgot my goals and dreams. The movie throws a question to the viewers "who decides the expiry date of a woman's dreams." We can put the blame on many ,on husband,children,family,society,in laws etc etc but the truth is that it's a woman herself who decides that her dreams are expired. And we are not doing it purposefully it's that we give priority to others' dreams and goals we consider our goal is to take care of the family and to keep the family happy and what happens is after a while we are taken granted and nobody finds it worth! And you become a bore, coward and old lady who thinks about the family alone.

I wanted to become something one day wanted to leave my signature but where am I today,
! Just spending my time in a 2 Bhk flat looking after a husband and a 10 month old baby. I have to say nothing brings more happiness when I see my princess' smile when she finds me home as soon as she wakes up and am sure not a payroll account balance can bring such happiness. But I know when she grows up and is her own she won't need me and I will be left all alone and then again I will regret that I have stopped dreaming even for the sake of my family! I was glad that my mother didn't forget to chase her dreams while raising us and I admire my father for helping her chase her dream. As a kid I could never understand my mother and I felt very bad when I didn't get her always but now am happy that she helped many needy people when I could manage my things. My sister always supported my mother and mom always used to mention that . Today when I spoke to my sister how I felt after the movie and how I felt happy for our mom she said now you know why I always supported our mom and said we can't chase our dreams let's be happy that she does! Yes am happy and proud of you Umma and I admire you Pappa ...

And I know my dreams are expired..let's hope one day I will water it and it will grow again and be fruitful one day !!