I switched on my table lamp,looked at the clock its 2.15 am !! So, am sleepless again. I came out from the coziness of my blanket, I was feeling very thirsty drank some water from the glass jar kept on the side table.Now I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight also,just got up from my cot,went to the window just stood there..staring at the night.
The world is still lively. The street lights stood in silence spreading lights around. I have always felt what all these street lights might have seen,heard and understood.There are still many vehicles speeding on the roads..some may be coming back from pubs after a party,some may be returning home after duty,some going for their shifts..some may be returning from hospitals,airports and what not! Every one's story is different..though He created us as human beings..each one is totally different from another!
I am an independent woman..independent in all sense. I work in an airport,in fact in a very busy airport, where there are always people around,people with different languages,dialects,religion,cast,skin tones,hair styles,and the most strange thing is their reactions! Each person's reaction differs from other's. And I guess that's what keep me going, or else I would be bored with my job long back. I am bored with my life..but Thank God..for the time being am not bored with my job. Each day brings some new experience..so its so far so good.
All I wanted was to be alone,when I was a kid !! I wanted to grow up fast,finish my studies get a job and shift to an apartment of my own,drive my own car, spend my money..or in short I wanted to live my life , without compromising anything for anyone!! And I can say that I have succeeded in it. Now am 26, I live alone in an apartment,I drive my own car and I spend my money as I wish. There is no one to question me,there is no one to correct me,there is no one to guide me,to advise me,to quarrel with me..but above all there is no one to LOVE me!
How stupid !! I thought its fun to be alone,its great to be alone. I was so wrong..its scary to be alone. You wake up,you cook,you eat,you get ready and go for the job(Thank God,its not boring yet! ) ,do your job and come back. And then..I feel every single second..the time doesn't move at all..every minute is a torture..there is nothing to watch on T.V I hate all those stupid serials ,reality shows which doesn't have any reality at all in it! I hate all those stupid silly romantic movies..and my only passion remains music. I can go on and on..with some nice music.And then comes the night, which am scared of. I don't know whats wrong with me..the darkness around me scares me,I hate the silence and I hate people around me who all can sleep !!And that's why unlike my collegues I love night shifts. I close my eyes tight..but my ears are wide open,every single sound wakes me up.And I cant sleep !! I hug my pillow so tight,but unfortunately I know its just a pillow, as I don't have anyone to love, and I cant imagine it as someone!
That's the time,when I am reminded of my mom. The warmth and love in her hug, the indescribable secure feeling I get when she hugs me. I never felt alone then, I had my Mom to protect me,I had my Dad to guide me,I had siblings to share the blanket with me..and those were indeed wonderful days.And now I don't have anyone!
To love,and to be loved is a great thing indeed. I realized it too late. And here I am left alone. Being alone is not great at all. Its not fun,He created us as social animals we are not alive ,if we are not living a life of others too.But once you are used to loneliness,it becomes your comfort zone and you don't enjoy being in a company.
Now as I take a sip of my black tea, sitting in my arm chair..I suddenly felt am not alone. I have few guests over there in my balcony. My plants show that its spring and there are flowers all over there. And I got new guests!! And there comes few birds to enjoy the flowers..the scene is beautiful and its nice to watch these tiny little birds and other creatures who visit my balcony. But then..again am afraid of the summer !!
The world is still lively. The street lights stood in silence spreading lights around. I have always felt what all these street lights might have seen,heard and understood.There are still many vehicles speeding on the roads..some may be coming back from pubs after a party,some may be returning home after duty,some going for their shifts..some may be returning from hospitals,airports and what not! Every one's story is different..though He created us as human beings..each one is totally different from another!
I am an independent woman..independent in all sense. I work in an airport,in fact in a very busy airport, where there are always people around,people with different languages,dialects,religion,cast,skin tones,hair styles,and the most strange thing is their reactions! Each person's reaction differs from other's. And I guess that's what keep me going, or else I would be bored with my job long back. I am bored with my life..but Thank God..for the time being am not bored with my job. Each day brings some new experience..so its so far so good.
All I wanted was to be alone,when I was a kid !! I wanted to grow up fast,finish my studies get a job and shift to an apartment of my own,drive my own car, spend my money..or in short I wanted to live my life , without compromising anything for anyone!! And I can say that I have succeeded in it. Now am 26, I live alone in an apartment,I drive my own car and I spend my money as I wish. There is no one to question me,there is no one to correct me,there is no one to guide me,to advise me,to quarrel with me..but above all there is no one to LOVE me!
How stupid !! I thought its fun to be alone,its great to be alone. I was so wrong..its scary to be alone. You wake up,you cook,you eat,you get ready and go for the job(Thank God,its not boring yet! ) ,do your job and come back. And then..I feel every single second..the time doesn't move at all..every minute is a torture..there is nothing to watch on T.V I hate all those stupid serials ,reality shows which doesn't have any reality at all in it! I hate all those stupid silly romantic movies..and my only passion remains music. I can go on and on..with some nice music.And then comes the night, which am scared of. I don't know whats wrong with me..the darkness around me scares me,I hate the silence and I hate people around me who all can sleep !!And that's why unlike my collegues I love night shifts. I close my eyes tight..but my ears are wide open,every single sound wakes me up.And I cant sleep !! I hug my pillow so tight,but unfortunately I know its just a pillow, as I don't have anyone to love, and I cant imagine it as someone!
That's the time,when I am reminded of my mom. The warmth and love in her hug, the indescribable secure feeling I get when she hugs me. I never felt alone then, I had my Mom to protect me,I had my Dad to guide me,I had siblings to share the blanket with me..and those were indeed wonderful days.And now I don't have anyone!
To love,and to be loved is a great thing indeed. I realized it too late. And here I am left alone. Being alone is not great at all. Its not fun,He created us as social animals we are not alive ,if we are not living a life of others too.But once you are used to loneliness,it becomes your comfort zone and you don't enjoy being in a company.
Now as I take a sip of my black tea, sitting in my arm chair..I suddenly felt am not alone. I have few guests over there in my balcony. My plants show that its spring and there are flowers all over there. And I got new guests!! And there comes few birds to enjoy the flowers..the scene is beautiful and its nice to watch these tiny little birds and other creatures who visit my balcony. But then..again am afraid of the summer !!
