Love Happens !!

Tomorrow is my birthday !! And am not expecting any calls,cards,any single wish !! For only I remember its my birthday!! Now as I sit on my arm chair,listening to some favourite music, I cant even complain to anyone if they don't remember my birthday! The people around me don't even remember if they had breakfast or not !! And after all am gonna be sixty tomorrow,isn't it too much to celebrate your birthday !! Now its time for me to think about my funeral.

My daughter has come back from her work,tired and exhausted. Now she has to cook,make her kids do the homework,make them eat,serve her husband, keep things ready for tomorrow..and she has to get some rest too.Being a mother,a wife,an employee, a daughter..she is doing great! And am glad that her younger sister also does a good job being a woman !!

The sun is bidding bye for the day, or I should say the earth is rotating fast ?! Whatever it is,however it is..this corner of the world is ready to welcome the night. My daughter came to me,she talked to me,how busy and tiring her day was !! As usual she sat with me for some time,placed her head on my lap,while she kept on her chit chat. We all had dinner together,my grand kids came running,kissed my forehead and went to sleep,my son in law also was kind enough to ask me how was my day !! So the world is about to sleep, and like every other night,for last few years..am sleepless.

Night is the time,when my brain takes a road trip back to those wonderful times,when I used to be young,when I used to be beautiful and when most of them used to look at my life and comment she is damn lucky..she is having a fantastic life. Yeah my life was, in fact is still beautiful ! From A to Z I have been blessed with the best.

I couldn't sleep,so I just went out to my balcony,and was able to enjoy the beauty of moonlit night. Its indeed such a beautiful sight,to see the world sleeping when the full moon is spreading her beauty around.Night has a special beauty of its own. I am glad that these sleepless nights have given me so many beautiful sights,which the whole sleeping world is missing.

I wonder if there would be someone ,who is awake at this point of night,same as I do !! And I wish if only I could write down,the beauty of nights, of silence,of moon light,of stars, of many other nocturnal animals and birds..who share the nights with me!The best part of nights are that,we can be what we wanna be..there is no limelight on you,and people wont judge ,how you talk,how you walk,how you eat,how you dress up,how you smile even!Its the time,when the whole world rests and I go restless!! I felt like walking,its cold outside..its December..I can see the mist around,its windy too..I took my sweater and walked slowly to the main door.

Oh God..how I wish to wake up my dear ones and show the beauty of the night! Let them sleep now,let them take rest now,perhaps when they are at my age,they also could get to see the beauty of these sleepless nights.God has his own plans for each and every one of his children..and most of the time we cant understand why he does so many things..still I don't understand why He did so many things to me !!

I have read in many classics,novels,short stories,poems..that love is blind,it just happens..and when we fall in love,we don't care about anything else..we just fall..And its absolutely true,for I fell in love,when I was happily married already!I still don't know what made us fall in love with each other,may be mine was not love, I was trying to get away from my loneliness,was desperately in need of a friend,with whom I can talk,who has time for me..who can understand what exactly I mean..who can guide me,who can wipe away my tears,my fears and bring in joy!!And he really was !!

He was single,when we met . But he was in pain,he was hurt, he loved a girl so much but again for some reason,which God only knows it didn't work out.I still don't know how we were so close,so close that I could tell anything to him, I was..in fact I am, never so close to anyone other than him.I was so happy with my marriage,I was blessed with a handsome,caring,loving hubby,but still , I was missing something!! I didn't know  what all I have been missing till I met him !!

I was missing someone,who had time for me, who could pamper me,who could tease me,who could make me feel how much he loves me, who could change my worst day to my best day and sometimes a best day to a worst one! Whenever I felt am alone,I used to talk to him,most of the time we never discussed our problems..but he could understand why I was upset and he could change my mood.

And we both didn't know when we fell in love,how we could name that sweet relationship as love! He told me,that he is leaving,for he doesn't wanna ruin my married life, I asked him why,he said for he doesn't wanna put me in trouble,I asked but why..and he said because I love you !! I was surprised with that answer..not because he fell in love with a married lady..but how can someone leave just like that when he is in love!! I have seen many,who wanted their love in their lives..but he was different! He taught me,if you truly love someone,set him/her free..love him/her so much that only his/her happiness counts,not yours!!He was right,we can never be together..so better to leave..and love each other in silence,for in silence there is no rejection.But once..only once he told me" there is someone who loves you dearly,who is ready to spend his whole life with you..who would take good care of you..would you marry him? " I was amused and asked "who is that idiot who wants to marry an already married woman ?" trying to hide my laugh..he said ' I am talking about me only, please would you be mine? " I couldnt reply and he never demanded an answer..he knows me well than anyone else!!

Our relation still goes on..at times when he cant hold his feelings,he calls me,mails me or at least says a "hi"..and I know he has been missing me! And he knows I do miss him too.The way he talks when he is in pain is ridiculous..he gets angry,he acts too rude, and he never admits that he is angry,he is in pain or anything..he just shows his anger all over me !I never could understand why is he so rude,in the beginning..and we used to avoid each other after a fight..then slowly slowly I came to know why is he so..you love someone so dearly,you really wanna be with him/her..you are ready to spend your whole life with that someone..and you know really well ,you can never ever have her in your life..how badly it hurts..he might have been bleeding..and he showed only some part of it! Later on I could hear his heart breaking..we never spoke,we met hardly few times..but whenever we meet, he used to call me..and I know why. Very rarely he used to tell me ' you know what, I miss you" and I could only reply 'yeah I know..I do know " and he asks "how do you know?" And till date I could never answer him..I just know...

I do love my husband,am having a great life as well..happily married,well settled,have two beautiful daughters who are married and settled.Everything is fine..perfect..but still don't know why I still miss him and love him..God has reasons for everything He does..may be he has a reason for this game too..may be love happened to me,after I got married..His timing was not perfect..and He created me so, that I never listened to my heart..but  followed my brain..and left my love..or buried it alive!! He is married,got kids and a lovely wife..is having a beautiful life..but to my surprise still misses me ! Some times life is like that...you will be the luckiest and at the same time the unluckiest person on earth! so were we..!!we were able to find each other..love each other ,understand each other..but was unlucky to be with each other !! And we chose to love each other in silence!! Tonight also..I miss you !!

Its dawn..time for me to get in..my family will be waking up now..a new day has come! Grandchildren came running ,hugged me tight,kissed on my forehead and cheeks..said good morning. The magic of a hug/kiss is something else.Helped my daughter to prepare breakfast..we all had it together and they all went to start their day! And I sat on my arm chair again..with my life long passion music !! My phone rang..I picked up the call " Happy Birthday" that was the message..then there was silence..and our silence spoke thousand words..he asked "how are you?" I said "am fine..just miss you that's all " and he said " that's all ? my whole life is gone just missing you " and then there was silence again !!

That call made my day ! Its strange but true that whenever someone says they miss you,we smile !! Its because we know that someone loves us..and someone wish we were with them !! By evening my family came back, to my surprise my younger daughter and family also came along..they all showed up in my bed room with a birthday cake !! And I cut the cake..who knows next year I would !! After the chit chats,dinner and lots of love..they all went to sleep.

And again..the nights..me and him !!