Expired !!

Last Sunday I watched the Malayalam movie" How old are you?" And am not writing a movie review here that's been already reviewed by many so am not in to it. Am trying to speak out how I felt when I was watching the movie. It did hurt me a lot and it left me regretting and made me realize that I didn't reach any where and I even forgot my goals and dreams. The movie throws a question to the viewers "who decides the expiry date of a woman's dreams." We can put the blame on many ,on husband,children,family,society,in laws etc etc but the truth is that it's a woman herself who decides that her dreams are expired. And we are not doing it purposefully it's that we give priority to others' dreams and goals we consider our goal is to take care of the family and to keep the family happy and what happens is after a while we are taken granted and nobody finds it worth! And you become a bore, coward and old lady who thinks about the family alone.

I wanted to become something one day wanted to leave my signature but where am I today,
! Just spending my time in a 2 Bhk flat looking after a husband and a 10 month old baby. I have to say nothing brings more happiness when I see my princess' smile when she finds me home as soon as she wakes up and am sure not a payroll account balance can bring such happiness. But I know when she grows up and is her own she won't need me and I will be left all alone and then again I will regret that I have stopped dreaming even for the sake of my family! I was glad that my mother didn't forget to chase her dreams while raising us and I admire my father for helping her chase her dream. As a kid I could never understand my mother and I felt very bad when I didn't get her always but now am happy that she helped many needy people when I could manage my things. My sister always supported my mother and mom always used to mention that . Today when I spoke to my sister how I felt after the movie and how I felt happy for our mom she said now you know why I always supported our mom and said we can't chase our dreams let's be happy that she does! Yes am happy and proud of you Umma and I admire you Pappa ...

And I know my dreams are expired..let's hope one day I will water it and it will grow again and be fruitful one day !!  

Life after 1st September 2013 !!

A new life has began,after Emy is born. A new life full of happiness and peace. Needless to say, there are worries,sleepless nights,tensions,unfinished meals and coffees..but my Emy's smile makes it all worth.

My days were boring and long, but now 24 hours is not enough for me to finish all my work and rest. I have heard many say days flew after the birth of their baby..but it wasn't so with me..till now I am counting everyday,every minute and every moments with my Emy,for I have waited so long for it,struggled a lot for it and gone through a lot of pain to have her in my life.

She did tense us after her birth till she was 2 months old. She was not gaining weight, had urine infection, had to undergo ultrasound scanning when she was just 50 days old..and obviously I was crying all day and night looking at her.She started gaining weight after her Pediatrician prescribed milk supplement for her, to make my days perfect,happy and tension free. Now she is gonna complete 5 months on Feb 1 st, In Sha Allah.

I never knew how such a little person can change our lives so much. Now our world is Emy. Her giggles,sounds,movements, etc make our day. Even while she is sleeping we enjoy her gestures. Anything for her..I don't care about how I look now..don't care about my physique and diet..I am concerned about her health alone , wanna feed her so I have to eat..and after all I was worried about weight and all only to have a baby. Now she is here so its her that matters.Our conversations start and end with Emy..Hubby asks about Emy alone when he calls from office..we plan to save for her, and our shopping is only for her..so many changes. The way she holds my finger when she is sleeping or feeding..the way she smiles at me, the way she talks to me, the way she keeps her head on my shoulder ,every little thing she does make all the suffering worth.

Emy, you are our bundle of joy. Pappa and Mamma love you loads..we don't have a life of our own anymore..you make our world complete. Now I have to stop writing, for my angel is waiting for me.See you soon folks.