Helplessness

I am someone who loves to do everything on my own,very particular about how things should be at home or at work. A typical Taurean,who is happy with the routine chores,I don't like sudden changes in life! I love my home and surroundings to be clean and neat,and am mostly satisfied if I do it my own! I need things exactly where I kept ! Everything messy irritates me!

And now what happened is that am on complete bed rest,only permitted to use the washroom and to eat on my dining table! If you have read my earlier posts,you should know how I have lost two kids already and the stress of infertility treatment. So now Alhamdulillah by God's grace am pregnant again,for the third time. And this time also,the baby is not so willing to come out without making some complications! So last week I was hospitalized on emergency had my cervical cerclage done and now am on complete bed rest! Always made to lay on my bed in head low position! And you should appreciate that I still manage to type in :p it's in fact pure boredom which made me post a blog.

My Mom rushed to Dubai,leaving Papa,my bro and everything else, when she heard that am hospitalized. She is not in her prime,actually now I should look after her! But helplessness at its peak, Umma is here to take care of me for a month,then she have to fly back once her visit visa is over!
And I will need someone else rest of my pregnancy,now am on my 23 rd week only, still a long way to go...but Thank God am half way through it.

So now I know how exactly people who are bed ridden might be feeling,what all emotional stages they might be undergoing! When you can't do things your own,when you don't have control over things that's going on you will be irritated,you might get angry over very small things,and finally you will be sad,will be desperate over your helplessness!! You will start to ignore things,which in normal case you can't even tolerate. That's how life and God teach us how at times we all are helpless..I know and agree that when God decides on somethings we all are helpless but am talking about the minute daily chores which we used to do and can't do for some time or anymore!! For example first 2days after the procedure I couldn't even brush my teeth,I was not allowed to take a bath and I was all sweating and itchy with the summer going on here!!

So now here I am in my bed room,just lying on my bed,ignoring the small world around me and hoping for a much better,bigger world with my little one,In Sha Allah !! Do pray for us :)

Once it was God's own country !!

When I was a kid,or rather till I got married and became an NRI , we used to experience rain almost six months in Kerala,our state.I have always fallen in love with the rain,I love the nights with heavy rain,thunder and lightening..I never used to close my windows...in fact we never closed our windows. I still cherish how the rain drops used to touch my face by its visit through my windows,how the cold wind used to caress me,how the lightening used to share the laughter with me..and how the thunder used to shout at me for not sleeping....so blessed were we to experience all these..

My Pappa has planted lots of trees all over our land. In fact now a days we cant get enough of sun light even..because of the shades of trees. I guess from Pappa I got the love for the nature..Pappa never used to disturb any other creatures living along with us on the Earth.During summer we used to keep water in a clay pot,so that the birds can quench their thirst,and my summer vacations were spent by watching the birds,they even used to take a shower with that little amount of water we provide.And I still continue it here in Dubai,by keeping some water in my balcony and watching the birds here.

In school, I have been taught that we have 44 rivers across Kerala. We used to get Monsoon,we never had that hot summers,we had our own share of winter as well.What have we done with all these resources that God provided us? We had forests,lots of trees,Kerala was known for her greenery..now where all these have gone? Since when did we start to live life more of a consumer..we stopped cultivating,we deforested our forests..we dried our rivers,streams,we polluted our nature..and now we are paying off.And its sad that we didn't even develop to a metro still,even after losing so many things!!

Keralites only know to take a bath 2-3 times a day.We never used our resources.We cursed the rain which poured on us.We cut the trees for the landscaping beauty of our homes!! Still when it rains,we don't try to save some water for the coming summer..we all interlock or tile our courtyards,so that it looks neat and clean,we don't have to worry about the snakes and other creatures coming in our premises.But in between we forgot that along with all other creatures rain, the water resource underneath and the cool weather also left us.Now all we do is curse the ruling party for the delay of Monsoon,for the power cuts,for the drought too. Its easy to cut a tree,but it takes years to grow one.Only we can save our planet..don't cut our trees,grow more..and then the rain will come along,our children can experience the rain,can see the rivers and streams..remember this planet is not ours alone..it was of people who lived before,who are yet to come..and of the numerous animals ,flora and fauna and lots of other creatures' too...Its indeed beautiful..save it..preserve it..and cherish it.