So...That was my Eva !!

Hey..,

Its been some time,I wrote..not because I didnt had anything to write about..but..
I had a good news to share,and before I thought of sharing it,that has gone..that news itself is no more....so, I should say,I have a bad news to share. The good news was that ,I got pregnant after long five years of married life..I had one ectopic pregnancy in 2009 though. And now, I lost my baby..I had gone 5 months with the baby..but fate..Allah's wish was to call my baby back.

Many of you wont know the stress you will have when you are not conceiving..and the comments,questions,statements and finally the sympathy you get from everyone you meet around. And I really wish may you never have to face it. Its really a tough time of your life. And the infertility treatment also is a very tiring experiance,I should say. You have to be happy, stress free, and cool..for better results...but these are things which you can only dream of..

So however,inspite of all these stress...I managed to lose weight ( which is one of the important criteria to be achieved when you are under infertility treatment) and we tried our best to remain happy,cool and take medicines..and I got pregnant in december 2011. Those who have had the experiance of euphoria when you get the hsg test result positive can relate to our happiness and relief when I got the result positive..but still we were anxious to confirm this time its not in my fallopian tubes..and went to the hospital to confirm that..and after the first ultra sound only we were "really happy".

Still, we were not that relaxed,as everyone around us reminded us of the importance of first trimester..I was still afraid of losing my baby..and so was my Hubby. Anyways with utmost care, love, prayers, everything at its best I had my pregnancy...browsing through those websites,googling the best food, what should be avoided..etc etc..I still dont know how fast and smooth 5 months went by. Pregnancy is a phase of life, in which you get all the love,care,and prayers from all over..first time in life,I was excited to go to the hospital,to see the doctor, to get my ultra sound scan done..so that I can see my baby moving and kicking..and can actually believe that there is a little human being alive inside me !! Every morning I used to look in the mirror, to check if I am showing up..almost every week I used to check my weight to see if I am putting up weight..and then google all the tiny bits of knowledge about my baby and pregnancy!!

Everyone says God bless us with kids..yeah that's true. Kids are indeed a blessing, they change your life forever..the very knowledge that there is a little someone inside your belly makes you feel great. And you will be counting your days off..to see that little human being's face..so was I...

But when I completed 5 months,God decided to call my baby back. May be He has something greater to offer. I have known the pain of labor, now I do understand why everyone loves and respects their mothers at its best..and more than that now I know How much my Mom and Pappa love me...how badly they have waited for me,how well they have took care of me, and how much I mean to them. Its so true that,when we become parents,we love our parents more.

I didnt see my daughter..none even asked me,would I like to see her..and I am still not sure, what will be my answer..would I be bold enough to see her..and will I ever be able to forget her face. Anyways I believe that was also for best,that I didnt see my baby. But those who saw her told that she was so beautiful, fully developed and was radiant. I have always longed for a baby girl..and I used to google for baby girl names alot..and we had decided to name our daughter Eva..which means life in Hebrew. She was indeed my life..infact Allah you took my life from me..still I am not complaining..its you who gave me this life..so its all yours'

Still Allah....

Please take care of my Eva..