Motherhood!!

Alhamdulillah,completed two years of motherhood! As every other woman who has been a mother says, only in motherhood we experience unconditional love! 

The journey with my daughter is awesome, I really am enjoying every single moment with her. The way she grows up keeps me surprised. She is becoming naughtier and stubborn day by day . I can really understand her "not yet discovered   language" and more than that her body language whether if she wants to potty,or if she is up to some mischief!

She was hospitalised for a week in Kerala as she contracted viral fever,throat infection and cough! I swear my heart broke when they took her in to insert cannula to inject antibiotics n glucose.i went outside and kept my eyes and ears shut so that I won't hear her crying ! Each time they gave her injections I had  the pain in my vein..I felt the sour tastes of the medicines and actually I even felt am admitted! I was so angry with Allah for troubling my baby,kept praying and complaining why is He cruel with my baby! Let me have all the pain and struggle and free my baby that was my prayer!

Whenever the nurses came she called me umma,hugged me tight and cried expecting me to protect her and I sat there holding her tight n kissing and kept on saying sorry I can't help you! That was the worst mental torture I ever had faced. 

As soon as she got discharged I wanted to fly back to Dubai and get her back to normal! I cut short my vacation and flew back. I could not attend my cousin's wedding, couldn't stay at my home,couldn't meet my loved ones couldn't even see my parents to my heart's contend! But still I was happy to be back here.. And was delighted when my baby hugged me tight and kissed and said "love you umma" when we entred our flat! Nothing mattered other than her well being and happiness and still nothing matters other than her! She is my angel,my treasure,my fortune,my happiness,my blessing,my prayer and my smile!! 

Allah bless you my sweetheart live long...

She !!

Hi Folks,

Today happens to be "International Women's Day" ! So Happy Women's day to all the lovely ladies out there! Remember, God made us strong ,bold, beautiful,kind,passionate and yeah a bit sentimental and emotional too ( but that's ok )! God created man first and then woman you know why because God corrected the mistakes he made first time and made the perfect creatures, that's what are ,"women" !!! So be proud to be one and show the world how to respect one when they come across us! I personally believe that we have every right to wear what we like and roam around whenever we wish same as a man does! But don't you think that we are precious so we need to  protect ourselves? So I would prefer not to expose myself and tempt a man who is very weak to suppress his emotions unlike us! What to do ladies we cant help it ! Its a manufacturing defect by God himself so lets take care!!
And to all men out there, relax don't be so upset about there being a day specially for us! Though we are called your better halves we are not considered so always! We have had to take second position ever since we are born!  Be it as a daughter, sister or a wife ! And we have always been taken for granted! So let us have a day to feel ourselves good!!

Imagine, will your world be as beautiful as it is without your mother, who brought you into this beautiful world ,and who made the man you are today! Without your sister ,who fights with you but who will always be missed when not around, and without your wife who is your shadow till death and your daughter whose laughter make your home perfect whose love and care melts you down and admit there is a void when they are married and gone!!
All  I wanted to remind you is that we are special too we also have the right to be as happy are you are and as dignified as you are! Love us,respect us, treasure us! We will always be thankful to you for being a real man!! Thank you. Let's us live,  let us breathe and let us dream ! Together we make this world beautiful!!
Love,
Hash

Rain drops !!

Today morning , I woke up to the rhythm of rain drops falling on to my window and you won't even guess how glad I was , in fact still am! I came out from my blanket and stood by window and could see the rain and wind romancing and people coming to the masjid for morning prayer in rain , may be they were also thanking God for the showers in today's morning prayer ,like I did !

The whole picture made me nostalgic and glad! It reminded me of my beautiful childhood , the beautiful school days and college days( though college days were not as beautiful as school days) ! During Monsoons I would be waking up to cloudy mornings, whole night it was raining and the sky might be taking a break ! It would be so cloudy and dark that we have to switch on lights to locate things and there won't be electricity as its Monsoon and KSEB can't find any better reason for no power!! After getting ready I will go to umma in kitchen where umma will be cooking breakfast and she would be very warm and I used to hug her and say umma is so warm and am feeling cold and she used to reply yeah coz am cooking near the stove and you were sleeping under the blanket ! Then I will have hot sambar and idly and black tea,by then my friend Reshma would have come to join me to tuition centre!

Then we both will walk to the tuition centre ,taking the umbrella which Pappachi folded so neat and clean! By the time we reach the Iruvazhinji bridge the rain would come rushing to hug us!! The rain drops, the wind and the innocence of childhood together make it awesome feeling! The only thing we hated is the vehicles passing by us which might splash the muddy water on us !

Inside the classroom everyone will be wet and feeling cold! We all put our umbrellas as a tent and in lower grades we used to sit inside those umbrellas just as we sit inside a tent! We sit so close that we can feel warm again by the time teacher comes! And by noon we all will be dry and warm , but then there comes lunch break! I used to have lunch from "Tharavadu" along with cousins ! So me , my friend and neighbour Hava will go home to have lunch so we used to get additional rain ! And ofcourse when we go back home as well it's raining !!

So our school days and childhood are always connected to the rains and monsoons!! The smell of uniforms which won't have enough time to be dry and the wet floors of classrooms , the wet school bags and tiffins , everything around and everything under the sun wet , still we all felt very warm and that's the magic of rain in childhood !!

Miss those days !! But Thank God the Dubai rains reminded me of all those beautiful things!!

Expired !!

Last Sunday I watched the Malayalam movie" How old are you?" And am not writing a movie review here that's been already reviewed by many so am not in to it. Am trying to speak out how I felt when I was watching the movie. It did hurt me a lot and it left me regretting and made me realize that I didn't reach any where and I even forgot my goals and dreams. The movie throws a question to the viewers "who decides the expiry date of a woman's dreams." We can put the blame on many ,on husband,children,family,society,in laws etc etc but the truth is that it's a woman herself who decides that her dreams are expired. And we are not doing it purposefully it's that we give priority to others' dreams and goals we consider our goal is to take care of the family and to keep the family happy and what happens is after a while we are taken granted and nobody finds it worth! And you become a bore, coward and old lady who thinks about the family alone.

I wanted to become something one day wanted to leave my signature but where am I today,
! Just spending my time in a 2 Bhk flat looking after a husband and a 10 month old baby. I have to say nothing brings more happiness when I see my princess' smile when she finds me home as soon as she wakes up and am sure not a payroll account balance can bring such happiness. But I know when she grows up and is her own she won't need me and I will be left all alone and then again I will regret that I have stopped dreaming even for the sake of my family! I was glad that my mother didn't forget to chase her dreams while raising us and I admire my father for helping her chase her dream. As a kid I could never understand my mother and I felt very bad when I didn't get her always but now am happy that she helped many needy people when I could manage my things. My sister always supported my mother and mom always used to mention that . Today when I spoke to my sister how I felt after the movie and how I felt happy for our mom she said now you know why I always supported our mom and said we can't chase our dreams let's be happy that she does! Yes am happy and proud of you Umma and I admire you Pappa ...

And I know my dreams are expired..let's hope one day I will water it and it will grow again and be fruitful one day !!  

Life after 1st September 2013 !!

A new life has began,after Emy is born. A new life full of happiness and peace. Needless to say, there are worries,sleepless nights,tensions,unfinished meals and coffees..but my Emy's smile makes it all worth.

My days were boring and long, but now 24 hours is not enough for me to finish all my work and rest. I have heard many say days flew after the birth of their baby..but it wasn't so with me..till now I am counting everyday,every minute and every moments with my Emy,for I have waited so long for it,struggled a lot for it and gone through a lot of pain to have her in my life.

She did tense us after her birth till she was 2 months old. She was not gaining weight, had urine infection, had to undergo ultrasound scanning when she was just 50 days old..and obviously I was crying all day and night looking at her.She started gaining weight after her Pediatrician prescribed milk supplement for her, to make my days perfect,happy and tension free. Now she is gonna complete 5 months on Feb 1 st, In Sha Allah.

I never knew how such a little person can change our lives so much. Now our world is Emy. Her giggles,sounds,movements, etc make our day. Even while she is sleeping we enjoy her gestures. Anything for her..I don't care about how I look now..don't care about my physique and diet..I am concerned about her health alone , wanna feed her so I have to eat..and after all I was worried about weight and all only to have a baby. Now she is here so its her that matters.Our conversations start and end with Emy..Hubby asks about Emy alone when he calls from office..we plan to save for her, and our shopping is only for her..so many changes. The way she holds my finger when she is sleeping or feeding..the way she smiles at me, the way she talks to me, the way she keeps her head on my shoulder ,every little thing she does make all the suffering worth.

Emy, you are our bundle of joy. Pappa and Mamma love you loads..we don't have a life of our own anymore..you make our world complete. Now I have to stop writing, for my angel is waiting for me.See you soon folks.

Welcome,Emira !!

Hello,
Just peeped in to announce the arrival of our baby girl,Emira Nafeesa Rafeeque. Emira means princess, and she really is!! Nafeesa is her grandmother's name.She was born on 1st September 2013 at 12.12 pm UAE time. It was an elective cesarean as her heart beat was going up. She is three weeks pre mature and weighed less. Rest all fine,now am too busy being a mother. As now she is turning one month old ,we would like to thank each one of you for your prayers and wishes. Will post about "life after Emy is born" soon when am free, hope she would let me,sigh !! 

Gone beautiful days !!

Eid Mubarak !! Hope you all had a blessed Eid ul  Fitr. Though not an active Eid,my Eid also went good,or should I say it ended without creating much tensions. I had a false labor pain and some contractions on Tuesday night and was admitted for a day and got discharged on Wednesday evening. Needless to say, I was bloody scared,still not over it,though!

Eid is the time for family get together ,and for last 3 years, we have 10-15 guests at home for both Eid ul Fitr and Eid ul adha. Though the food preparations and all make you tired,it is fun. And on this Eid, as I am on strict bed rest, I did not cook, we ordered food from out and I was on bed the whole day. So had the whole day to remember my childhood Eid days, and I miss those days terribly.

As I hail from Calicut, and all our neighbours are Muslims we had great celebrations back home. And my Pappa's siblings live near by,so we cousins also had great fun.we would wait for the "takbirs" to begin from Masjids which declare that the moon has been sighted and its Eid the next day. And once its confirmed,me along with my neighbours who are of my same age, would pack the fitr sakat and distribute it in our neighbour hood. Then me,Pappa and my kunju ( my sister) would walk to Mukkam town, Pappa would be buying groceries,meat etc for Eid lunch and we will be at " tharavadu" ,where Ayichuttimma will be waiting for us with the freshly grinded henna. The henna leaves at tharavadu used to give very bright red colour. And we with our cousins would put mehendi cones on palms and Ayichuttimma's henna on nails. Then would return back with henna on our hands with takbirs on background. And on our way back we used to buy matching accessories for Eid dress also.

My Eid means my kunju. She was the one who used to put mehendi on my hands,she used to select my Eid dress and accessories and she used to wake me up on Eid day and she used to dress me up,and I always used to make her Eid bad by complaining about how her mehendi  design looks better than mine,and if her mehendi was more  brighter red,she used to keep it whole night and I would wash it before I go to bed,so obviously she got much better colour ! Though we quarrel every Eid mornings ,she used to take me to her friends' and then we would visit the neighbours and relatives around . Then would have lunch and by evening again will go to tharavadu, taste Ayichuttimma's parippu curry,neychor etc, then to Jameela teacher's ,umma's colleague and our family friend. The most difficult part was that we had to taste so many 'payasams' one single day.

In short,my Eid was spent around kunju. And I never had such beautiful Eid after her wedding. I still remember the first Eid without her,how I missed my kunju,I didn't put mehendi,kunju was not there to tie my hair, I didn't have her company to visit people on Eid. That Eid I cried a lot ! And I never celebrated Eid with the same happiness ever. Then I celebrated Eid again after my wedding, because I was back with kunju again in Dubai,and we used to celebrate it together. Though kunju never got time to put mehendi on my hands again,she used to remember every time she put it on her kids' coz just like me ,her elder daughter started to complain about the design! Now last two years kunju is home for Eid and my Eid is incomplete again! Kunjaa I miss you terribly. My Eid is incomplete without you!